growing up

Dear Emma,

Being 11 can really suck sometimes.  Growing up in general can.  I listened to you as you told me through your tears about your friends and how you feel like you don't have a place.  How you aren't interested in many of the things they are interested in and how you aren't sure if people really like you or not.  It seems like so much of your time here with your friends has been so awesome.  I feel like you have not had to deal with so many of the lame things that 6th grade brings...but I should have known that you couldn't escape from it completely.  There are people who are going to change.  People you love and want to be friends with.  And it hurts.  It hurts when those relationships change and end and that loss is real.  It is okay to be sad about it.  But also sometimes, as that darn monster of puberty sets in...things can get volatile with friends.  Moods go up and down and issues come up and go away and sometimes dealing with friends is almost like waiting out a storm. You are going to get wet and cold for a while but it does end and then the sun comes out and its warm and lovely and it's worth being outside.  It is.

Remember on Cinderella when her mom tells her "Have courage and be kind."  I am not sure there is better advice to give someone.  Have courage to be yourself.  To be true to what you think is important.  It's okay that school is a priority for you.  It's okay that you are not comfortable using the same kind of language as your friends.  It's okay to not care about boys and to not like the drama.  Being brave is something you have to practice.  But it is also courageous to enter a conversation in order to show interest in your friends interests to show them you care.  It is courageous to be honest with friends and tell them if you are feeling jealous or left out  And also, as we have talked about since you were just a tiny girl, be kind.  You are a kind person Emma.  You care about other people and you value their opinions of you.  I have seen you comfort people hurting, stand up for people who need a protector, and offer your friendship freely.  When courage and kindness come together in the same person...there is something powerful that  happens.

I love you so much it hurts.  I love you so much that the screen looks blurry as I type this.  Thank you for being patient with me.  I am learning every day how to be a mom to an incredibly talented, insightful, sensitive, and intelligent girl.  And I am not ever going to have all the answers and I know that you are so capable of figuring out those answers for yourself.  But I am here Emma.  I will always always always be available to listen, to hug, to laugh, to help.  There is no thing in your life too big or too small for me to care about.  So please never ever forget that.

I love you Pickle.

Mom